Sorry for the delay in this weeks round up folks, I was out last Friday with Sergio Aguero and it all got a bit messy, he should never have asked me to drive.
Someone else who had a shocker was Mike Pollard and The Unconsoled, dropping to 8th, with just 39 points. Mike opted to keep Aguero in his team, which is either a remarkable show of faith or perhaps Mike is just trapped under something heavy and can’t get to a computer. Sat next to Sergio on Mike’s bench was big Fellaini, who’s 16 points were as wasted as they were surprising.
Alvaro Morata of Chelsea walks off after being subbed
Dilettante Donkeys scored 63, and went top, although it didn’t all go Dono’s way what with Triple Captain Lukaku scoring a relatively meagre 18 (6×3) and his leaving of Doucoure’s 10 points on the bench. Like many others Donovan also saw Morata limp off for a prolonged stay on the physio’s bench, so interesting to see which way our league leader jumps this week.
Jumping to 2nd, perennial title chaser, Gary Chapman’s GFC (C) played their wildcard and reaped the benefits with a very useful 78 points. A strong 3 man defence returned 34 points, Richarlison chucked in 10 from midfield and a useful front two of Lukaku and Kane added another 25 between them, with Andy Carroll throwing in just the 1 point as he was mostly down the bookies and eating chips during his game.
Andy Dawkin’s blatantly lying Bottom By Christmas moved into third, thanks to another strong defencive unit, Doucoure in midfield, and Andy’s pin-up and Captain Harry Kane scoring 26 points (2×13).
Who needs Jesus? Mourinho resurrects Fellaini all by himself.
Top scorer of the week and leaping into 7th, was the previously unmentioned Lambeth Lightweights, marshalled by man about town and over-50s Batique champion Daniel Sandford-Smith. Key to Dan’s chart topping 88 was a whopping 51 points from his defence alone, incredibly featuring not one but two Arsenal players! Kev De Bruyne contributed 11 points courtesy of his match winning goal against Chelsea, and Jesus and Lukaku added another 17 between them.
Honourable mentions also to James Griffith and the underachievers (his lack of capitalisation, not mine – Ed) who displayed great use of the Triple Captain card to coax 39 points out of Harry Kane. And the third 80+ score of the week was inaugural Best Dressed Man of Fray Bentos frontrunner Pats Alcantara who’s Nice Boys scored a cool 80 points, catapulting them from their usual bottom spots to the heady heights of 30th. Nose bleed territory Pats and just 3 points behind a certain Matt O’Reilly in 29th, the tension in your gaff must be unbearable!
That’s it for this week. Always looking for volunteers to write a round-up, get in touch if you fancy a go, no standards too low.
Fray Bentos 
I might have known some malign force was behind Aguero’s last minute disaster. His eyes were obviously distracted from the road by Paul’s rakish good looks and lopsided toupe. Could the timing have been any worse? A Thursday night car crash, mere hours after my weekly transfer. Oh well, at least he wasn’t around to punish my beloved Chelsea’s woeful performance.
To add insult to injury (hah!), the swine Fantasy website showed that Fellaini was a doubtful starter, so I subbed him for the ever-reliable Rooney. Yep, us England fans can always rely on Rooney to let us down. We know how you feel, Coleen.
Perhaps “Bottom By Christmas” doesn’t refer to the team status, but to Andy’s love of Shakespeare’s famous pantomime, often staged at that time of year? Or he might be hoping to come across Kim Kardashian in the next couple of months – cheeky boy!
Firstly, nice to hear that Leicester’s manager has a hobby but I’m afraid I haven’t caught any of his stage work, and secondly, my wife wouldn’t be too happy with me coming across anyone except her, and even then she’s not too keen.
I should point out we’re only in October, and as has happened every year for the last 3 it will only take a couple of bad weeks for the ‘Dawkins Out’ placards to appear and for the inevitable drop down the rankings. At which point I’ll pretend that I was never really that interested in it anyway and will bin it off for another season. Just ask Paul C, I never fail to eventually disappoint.
Ha ha! Mike, I’d forgotten how funny you are (or more likely you’ve employed some poor East European tv writer to do your online posts). Is he, or she, free to write next weeks update? Pretty please?
Also, talking of Christmas, fancy a Fray Bentos festive get-together? Been too long since we made an excuse to get together, perhaps watch a game. Perhaps one of those new fangled Friday night games? Waddayareckonmate?
Always keep faith with the Nice Boys! Good looking and high scoring – it’s the perfect combination. O’Reilly wouldn’t speak to me for three days after the results were in – something about ‘the pupil becoming the teacher’. To be honest I was too busy kissing the A3 poster of Kevin de Bruyne I recently put up in the bedroom to listen to his demented witterings.
It’s going to be a tense weekend in the Nice Boys/Draxler household.
Brilliant. And you are now next up to write a guest post after Mike P. From what Matt tells me on our falafel outings, your weekly round up would be fantastic – ‘Top score this week with 18 points was Kevin De Bruyne (Nice boy), followed with 17 points by Wayne Rooney (English face). Please say you’ll do a round up!
Only a matter of time before your boys overtake Draxler United, it’s inevitable. I’ll be watching your scores at the weekend with interest!
I’d be honoured to do a round-up – it’s long been a life goal of mine (at least since I signed up to the fantasies a few weeks back). Not sure what you’ve been taking, IT Paul, but a score of 17 for the English-faced Rooney?! Crazy talk.
Give me the nod when it’s time and I’ll make sure to set the VHS to record for MOTD and dust off my sporting journalist clichés.
I would also be honoured to do one of the weekly round ups – just let me know when, Paul. Just need to check one thing – are they meant to be funny then?
A Fray Bentos meet up in London also sounds good. I saw the original Balders last weekend and he’s up for it, when he can make room in his diary. Nice to know his diary’s packed, even if his trousers aren’t. Perhaps early December?
Right, so you’re up for this Gameweek Mr P. And yes, they ARE meant to be funny you cheeky sod! Then I will do the week after and ask Pats to do Gameweek 10. Hopefully we can get some sort of alternative guest writers thing going.
As for a festive footy drink, looks like they don’t decide the Friday/Monday fixtures that far in advance. The most futuristic fixture showing I can find on the tellybox is the mighty Man Utd away to over-performing Elton John warm-up act Watford on Tues 28th Nov? How does that sound?